Hogwarts, eh?
by OracleVortex
Summary: My attempt at going to Hogwarts with my two friends. GO CANADIANS!!! *Chapter Four and Five are up!*
1. A new addition

Hogwarts, eh? 

By OracleVortex 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with Harry Potter, etc... blah blah... BUT the three Canadian OCs that are in this are real people, so you can't use them or steal them...because then they would sue you! (They would...) ^____^ 

...so there. This is my first attempt at a semi-comedy, so be nice! Thanx, and R&R! 

Enjoy! 

~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Prologue: A New Addition 

It was a sunny day, as it is when all good stories begin. The squid was splashing happily in the lake and the merfolk were bubbling away under the surface. Down in the dungeons of Hogwarts, something was growling, but other than that, everything was cool. 

Oh, and the school was recieving two new students...transfer students from Canada. But that was a whole another story. ... Actually that is this story... isn't it? 

Ha... don't mind me... I'm the narrator. Well, actually, I'm just telling this story from a first person point of view. You see, a little while ago, when I was just hanging around at school...sitting in my typing class, I decided to surf the net. Surfing the net is cool, because a) it just is, and b) it kills time. So, I was taking a looksee around the WB Harry Potter Site, and suddenly the screen goes blank. 

"What the hell?" I said, though not loud enough for the teacher to hear. My buddie, Ann, who is sitting next to me, looks over. 

"What's wrong?" She asked. 

"Dunno." I replied. I didn't! Computers hate me, I have decided. Not too long ago my mouse crapped out on me, and my computer wouldn't work. I constantly get floppys stuck in the drive, and if i even touch my dad's system, it goes on the fritz. 

Don't even get me started on my dial up. 

So I figured that this was just my techo-curse, and I pressed the reset button. The screen turned green and a swirling kind of vortex appeared. 

"Oh crap." It didn't look good, and there was no way that it was just the system rebooting. Leah, my other friend in my typing class, noticed that I was having...'difficulties', so to say. 

"Is your computer screwing up, again?" Okay, so maybe I have a lot of problems with any sort of PC. 

"Yes! And I don't know why!" Dammit, I hate computers. 

Anyway, to make a long story short, me, Leah and Ann were sucked into the computer screen and into the Harry Potter reality. 

How, you ask? Well, if you remember, I was on a Harry Potter site, and my buds was trying to help me fix the computer...but I don't really understand the vortex thing either. 

Oh well. 

Yeah, so it's a nice sunny day and the squid was splashing in the lake, the merfolk were bubbling and down in the dungeons of Hogwarts, something was growling. And me and Ann were sitting in the middle of the Great Hall, waiting to be announced by Dumbledore. 

How, you ask? I have to admit, I don't know. One second I was reseting my computer, and the next, I was standing beside Dumbledore. He was talking to the student body. 

"We are very priviliged to have three exchange students from Tillan, a wizarding school in Canada. As they will be joining us for the next year or so, they will be sorted into houses. They are fifth years, and they will be treated with the same respect as any other student of Hogwarts." Dumbledore seemed to be saying this directly to the Slytherin table. I don't blame him. I know their rep. We all know their rep. 

Now, it was at this time that McGonagall came onto the floor, carrying the sorting hat and the stool. She set them down and stepped back. Then the hat began to sing. 

"Oooooooooooooioooooh.... 

I am a hat made of felt, 

And by some fluke I can talk, 

For many, many years I have dwelt, 

Inside a black magic box. 

You have come to this school, 

As a change from Tillan 

Listen to my rule, 

And it will give you a helping hand. 

Noooooowwwwwwwwwwwwww.... 

Slytherins are sneaky 

Smart are the Ravenclaw, 

Hufflepuff is sorta sleepy, 

And Gryffindor is the best of all. 

Sooooooooooooooooooo... 

Put me on your head, 

I'll take a peek inside, 

Push away your dread, 

And you will be just fine!" 

Yes...it was as cheezy as it sounds. And is it me, or was he biast in Gryffindor's favor? Oh well...everyone was...except Slytherins, but that's something else entirely. 

But I'm babbling, so let's continue with my story. So, McGonagall pulls out a scroll and looks at the names that were written there. Now, there's only me, Leah and Ann being sorted, so why does she need a fancy scroll? Oh well... don't mind me...I'm playing the part of a pessimist right now. 

"Cruch, Leah." Leah, the ever-happy person that she is, plopped down on the stool and put the hat on her head. There was a pause and then... 

"Whoa! This thing talks!" 

Me and Ann burst out laughing, soon followed by the rest of the school. So sue us! We just found out that we were in the Harry Potter series, what, five minutes ago? ANY-way... 

"GRYFFINDOR!!" It yelled. Leah winced. After all, it _was_ yelling in her ear. 

"Gillespie, Alexandria." 

Gods...I hate my first name...well, I like the nickname (Alex) but Alexandria is just so formal...ugh. I could hear snickering from the Slytherin table. Well, what do you expect? They _are_ the Slytherins! Sending a dirty look backwards, I plunked myself down on the stool, and waited for the hat to start talking. 

_Hello._ I said pleasantly, drumming my fingers on the side of my leg. Come to think of it, I was wearing the Hogwarts uniform. Whoa, when did that happen? Damn. I'm wearing a skirt. 

//_Well...based on your mind...\\_

_Pardon me, but would you mind not messing around in my head?_

//_Sorry, but it's my job. As I was saying, based on what I have seen.. you can only be suited for...\\_

__

__I waited. 

And waited. 

And waited. 

_Uh, hello? I'm only suited for....?_

__

_//Don't rush me! This takes a little while!\\_

__

_It didn't take you a little while to sort Draco Malfoy!_

__

_//That was different! Wait...how did you know that?\\_

__

_I'm his stalker._

__

__"WHAT??" He burst out saying. McGonagall looked at us. Leah laughed, almost falling to the ground. 

"HA! That's my hyper buddie!!" She giggled. "I bet she's driving the hat insane!" 

Everybody stared at her and I fought the intense urge to laugh. Yeah, that's my hyper buddie for ya. 

_I'M KIDDING!!! _I said to the Sorting Hat, trying to prevent him from having a hernia._ Geez, you brits have no sense of humor..._

__

_//I see...Well, now I see you can only be suited for ONE house!\\_

__

_That being....?_

__

__"Gryffindor!!!" 

WTF? How did that happen? After that remark, I kind of expected him to stick me in Slytherin! ...But then again, I said I was Draco's stalker, so maybe that was the whole point of it. Heh. Reminds me of a stalker joke that me and Ann came up with. If I remember, I'll tell you it later. 

Okay, so I got off the stool and handed the hat to Ann. She sat down and put the hat on. We didn't even wait for McGonagall to announce her name. I mean, come on. It's only a little obvious who was next. 

"Herperger, Ann." What a prat. (Heh, I'm using British terms!) She still announced Ann's name even though we already knew she was the last person. Oh well. 

Ann sat on the stool patiently, waiting for the hat to spit out her house name. There was a little wait (which I spent twiddling my thumbs) and then the hat cried, "GRYFFINDOR!!" 

Ann handed the hat to McGonagall, and I _swear_, that she looked the slightest bit disappointed. Oh, well...I'll have to figure that out later.... 

As for the moment, we were steered to, what is presume, was the Gryffindor table. McGongall plunked us down next to a boy with black hair and specks (glasses), a girl with frizzy brown hair, and another boy, though with bright red hair. 

Three guesses who they were. The first three don't count. 

Yeah, so they introduced themselves as Ron, Harry and Hermione. Not a surprise. We introduced ourselves yet again, and then set about to eat. 

Hogwarts gives quite the spread, when it comes to evening meals. There was every sort of thing imaginable, and being a Canadian, there was some things that we couldn't identify. Oh well. 

"So, what's it like, learning magic in Canada?" Hermione asked, questing for information as always. "Do you take the same classes as we do?" 

The three of us looked at each other. What were we going to say? We don't even have wands! Or spells! We don't know anything!!! ... Well, we do know things, just not that relating to magic. Darn it. 

Ann was the first to speak. "We basically take the same lessons that you do, except we don't have any need for wands." 

No need for wands. What the hell was she talking about???? 

She went on. "Observe." She waved her hands at a goblet. It shimmered and floated in the air for a moment. Then she waved her hands again, and it set back down on the table. 

What the hell. WTH!!!!!!! SINCE WHEN CAN SHE DO MAGIC?!?!?!? 

With equal surprise, me and Leah gawked at her. Ron, for his part, seemed impressed. He turned to me and Leah. "Can you do that too?" 

"Um..." I looked around, searching for something to do. Why did Ann have to take the easiest thing? I thought about it for a moment...waiting for something to come to mind. 

... 

... 

... 

Ah! There we go! Pointing at a distant roll, I concentrated for a moment. 

Nothing happened. 

Frowning, I thought at it. Yeah. I thought at it. So what? 

Nothing. 

Ron looked at me all funny. "You can't, can you?" 

"I _so _can!" I whipped my head around, and pointed at the roll again. "Accio!" Maybe all I needed was a magic word... 

Yeah. Then all the rolls came flying in my direction. I had to duck , along with five other people, in order to avoid being hit. Whupps. 

Leah, being the hyper person that she was, was eager for her turn to amaze and preform magical feats. "Ooh! What can I do??" 

Harry looked at her. "'What can you do?' Don't you know?" 

Leah whistled, looking at the ceiling. "Well, look at that! There's stars!" Good job...she effectively dodged the whole question entirely. 

Oy. 

There was a small bang, and a large cloud of smoke. Suddenly the six of us were engulfed in a powdery air that sort of smelled like cotton candy and pixie sticks. Strange. When we could see through the fog again, the most horrible thing that could be imagined had happened. 

Leah had a bat. 

Now, I think, would be a good time to explain this little inside joke. It's not really that funny, I think, unless you were there, and if you know Leah. But let me try and explain anyway. You see, when Halloween had rolled around the previous year, Leah and I were just joking around, and it suddenly led to this great big joke that evolved into an inside joke. 

I don't even remember what it all entitled, anymore, but it was blasted hilarious. Getting back to the story... 

Leah had a bat in one hand; it was decorated with deep violet swirls and evil-looking happy faces. It chilled me to the very core. But I couldn't help but laugh. 

So we laughed, and laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed until we were crying and falling over into the pudding bowl, and receiving weird looks from everyone in the assembly. 

Oh well. 

Suffice to say, dinner was great, and Leah managed not to hurt anyone...too badly. Hermione led us up to the Gryffindor common room (the password was Hibberty-Gibberty) and we got settled in. We had our trunks (?) sent up already, and our books and things were already there. (?) 

I have to admit, I was quite satisfied with what I had 'brought' to Hogwarts. Here, let me list off my crap to you... 

Evidently, what I required was: 

~Three pairs of everyday work robes (silver clasp) 

~Three sets of Hogwarts uniform 

~One winter cloak (black) 

~One pair of dragon hide gloves (or something that looked similar) 

~At least ten class textbooks 

~A crystal ball (?) {I think I may be taking divination or something...} 

~Cauldron and potion ingredients 

~'Muggle' clothing 

~Other crap. 

Yeah, I suppose that you really didn't want to know about all that, but I don't really care. This is my narration. Live with it. 

Leah was in the bed to my left, utterly obsorbed in something that was in a small box with holes in the top, while Ann was digging around in the contents of her bookbag. 

The door swung open and in stepped three other girls. The first was Hermione. Leah glared at her. I don't know why. The second had violet hair (this was Lavender Brown) and the third was Pavarti Patil. Man, what a strange name. She must have been teased terribly when she was a kid. 

Think about it a little. 

Anyway, there was a little girl talk, and some gossip and stuff (which you don't really need to hear at this time) and then we all hit the sack. 

All right, so maybe I'm skipping a lot of things, but it's not like I remember everything that happened while I was at Hogwarts. We were there for a year! 

Err...forget I said that. 

~~~~~~~~~~ 

Okay, so this really isn't all that funny, considering that it is supposed to be a comedy, but I wrote this at school, the epitome of boredom, and it seemed quite funny at the time. 

Deal. 

There's another chapter on the way, even if no one likes this. Cuz I do. 

Luv ya all to pieces, 

OracleVortex 

~~~~~~~~~~~~ 


	2. Classes Ick

Hogwarts, eh? 

~~~~~~~~~~~ 

I own nuthin' to do with Harry Potter, but the three Canadians that are in this fic are entirely real. Somewhere in the country of Canada, at an Oneill High School, there is a Leah, Ann and Alex walking around. I should know. 

Enjoy! 

Leah/Ann: A-hem... 

Me: OH! And I have to give partial credit to Ann and Leah for helping me write this fic, and for helping to come up with ideas. Thanx Muchly!! 

Leah/Ann: No prob. 

NOW onward! 

~~~~~~~~~~ 

Chapter One: Classes...Ick. 

~~~~~~~~~~ 

It was an ordinary day. A day that was just like every other day. A day that was nothing out of the ordinary. 

Like hell it was. 

Okay, so I was awakened the next morning by someone shaking me, speaking like a Brit into my left year. 

"What in blazes?' Then I remembered. Hogwarts. I had been sucked into Hogwarts. I was in the world of Harry Potter. 

"GO THE HELL AWAY!!" That was a really loud yell. It was. It was Leah, my friend that had been sucked into Harry Potter with me. You know, I really shouldn't put it like that anymore. Now that we were in the HP reality, it didn't sound quite...right anymore. Sucked into Harry Potter? 

Bad images. 

Anyway, Leah, who was not a very happy morning person, despite her disposition the rest of the day, was currently fighting Hermione Granger for the possession of her blankets. I, not wanting to be any part of the dispute, decided to get changed. I dug into my trunk - yes, my trunk - and pulled out one of the Hogwarts Uniforms. Yeah. I gotta wear a skirt. I wonder what Dumbledore would do if I pilfered a pair of pants from the laundry...hmm... 

"LEGGO!" 

I sighed, stepping into my shoes. They were heels, so I hope I wouldn't be too much of a klutz and trip over them. Yes, I am a klutz as well as cursed with the techno curse. 

For more information on that, please see the previous chapter. 

Getting back to the story...I had to literally pull Leah out of bed, while fighting to keep both of my eyes in my head. She did manage to knock off my glasses, though. 

Glasses, you ask? Yeah. I have glasses. Did I forget to mention that? Whupps. 

It was a good ten minutes later before Leah was even prepared to go down into the commons room. She kept sending dirty looks Hermione's way. I don't think she likes her very much. Hmm. 

So, after lounging in the commons room with the Weasley twins for a while, we finally headed down to the Great Hall for Breakfast. Now, normally, I think that I would really like the ceiling of the Hall, but if you're a night owl just like me, then the light coming down from the ceiling was totally unbearable. 

I only managed not to scream in agony. Instead, I grabbed Leah's arm, and staggered to the Gryffindor table. Harry and Ron were already there, and they were talking about Quidditch. 

"We need three new players for the team." Harry grumbled into his toast. "With Wood and Alicia gone, and Fred's wrist..." 

"What happened to his wrist?" I asked. This was new. It sort of sounded like one of them wouldn't be able to play. Hmm...an opportunity. 

"He and George were building something for their joke shop and it exploded." Ron supplied this information. I half-expected this. After all, he was their brother. 

"Doesn't that usually happen?" Hermione asked. 

"Yes, but this time, it managed to break his wrist." 

"How?" Leah asked. You see, she's not hyper ALL the time. Most of the time, but not all of the time. 

Ron shrugged. "How should I know?" 

Okay, so maybe wasn't such a lot of help after all. Oh well. Harry went on to moan and groan over the team again. Seems that they are in urgent need of a keeper, a beater and a chaser. 

"A BEATER???' Leah said, suddenly all hyper again. "That means I get a BAT, right?" There was a sudden puff of colored smoke that revealed a bat with violet swirls. The previous day, when we had discovered how to use magic (apparently we don't need wands) she made the bat appear. I used a summoning charm and Ann used a floating charm. Speaking of which, were was she? 

Leah's sudden outburst made Ron and Harry slowly inch away, but Harry nodded. "Yes, a beater gets to use a bat, why?" 

Leah grinned at me. I grinned back, momentarily forgetting about our other friend. Sorry, but I'm like that sometimes. My attention span is just as long as my memory unless I'm totally interested in something. Where were we? 

"We _so_ have to go to the tryouts." I said. She nodded enthusiastically. The idea of being a Keeper was becoming more and more appealing with each moment. Chaser just wasn't my thing, I guess. Don't ask why. Maybe it was just the name or something. Meh. 

"Morning." Ann finally made an appearance, sitting down at the table with a swish of her robes. 

"Where have you been?" I asked. 

"Around." She said vaguely, reaching for a piece of toast. "I'm starving." 

"Understatement." Ron commented, watching her down three eggs and toast to match. She gulped down a cup of orange juice, wiped her mouth with a napkin and stood again. 

"See you in class!" She waved as she left. "Bye!" 

We all stared at each other. "Whoa." I said. "Talk about out of character." 

"Yeah" Leah agreed. She grinned. "But getting back to the beater business" 

Harry and Ron groaned. 

~*~*~*~ 

It's offical. We were lost. 

"Where the hell are we?" Leah asked, examining a moving picture on the wall. It was a centaur...prancing and pawing with each little hoof. Hee-hee. 

"Do you know the way to the dungeons?" I asked it, figuring that everyone asked pictures for directions anyway, and I wouldn't _look_ that weird. 

It shrugged, walking in a circle. "Venus is in the second house tonight." 

Dammit. Centaurs can never talk in normal English, can they? "Uh, yeah. Thanks a bunch." I rolled my eyes at Leah. Ann wasn't with us. She had swept in and out of the Great Hall without even waiting so that she could get lost with us. Come to think of it, that was probably the smartest thing to do. Meh. 

So, Leah and I wandered some more, admiring the pictures on the wall, and occasionally stopping to talk to several of them. We must have went in a circle, because we managed to end up back at the Gryffindor Tower entrance, staring up at the Fat Lady. You know, that's a pretty mean name for the guardian of our house. Sheesh. 

The portrait swung open. Out stepped the Weasley Twins. 

"What are you doing out of class?" All four of us said at the same time. It was quite strange, really, because it sounded like there was only three of us; Fred and George sound practically the same. Ha. That's pretty weird. Sorry... 

"Technically, we _are_ in class." Fred -- or was it George-- said. 

"Yeah." Leah said, unconvinced. "Tell me another." 

"But it's true, " George said -- or was it Fred -- slinging an arm around Leah. "We are _teaching you_ how to find whatever class you are trying to find." He grinned. 

I saw the danger in this situation. Leah's fingers were twitching, and I knew that if I didn't step in, Leah would make her bat appear. "Leah. No magic." 

She shrugged. "Okay." I admit that the next thing that she did, I could have prevented, but I reallydidn't see it coming. I'm not one for sound effects, but.... 

WHAM. 

Yeah. All I can say is that he's lucky that she didn't decide to can him instead. He would've been a very lonley man for the rest of his life. 

George -- or was it Fred -- staggered backwards, holding his stomach and looking in horror at Leah. Fred -- or was it George -- being the goof that he was, had no pity for his brother, and burst out laughing. He was holding his sides, practically in tears. Heh. Leah was snickering in the corner. Poor George. Or was it Fred? Meh. 

Anyway, the one who _wasn't_ in pain, laughed even harder and pointed down a corridor. "T-the d-d-d-dungeons are, hahahahahahahaha, tha-tha-tha-that way!" 

"Thanks" I said, starting in the direction he was pointing. Then I stopped. "Wait- how did you know where we were going?" 

The one that was about to piss his pants from laughing managed to speak a coherent sentence. "Bloody portrait of a knight was babbling on about two maidens trying to find their way to the dungeons." 

Maidens? Maidens my ASS! Snorting in amusment, Leah and I staggered down the corridor. Maybe we would find the class this time... 

~*~*~*~ 

"Fifty points from Gryffindor!" 

"What?!?" Leah and I chorused. That sonovabitch! 

"Each." He said with relish. WTF? This guy is such a--- well... I think that we all know what he is...I don't need to tell you...Bad language is bad. Heh. Dammit. 

Silently glaring at the potions master, Leah and I took our seats, beside Ann. We sank into the stool beside her, switching our glares to her. 

"Where did you go?" I asked. 

"Ten points!" Snape called out. Dammit. I hate that guy so much already... Grr... 

Ann scratched at her paper with some sorta quill. **I walked with the other Gryffindors. **I looked at Leah. Why didn't we think of that? Blast it all. 

Stupid slimy sneaky Servus Snape gave us minimal instructions on how to complete the assignment, which we didn't even know what it was, and glared at us again, warning us against talking. 

"I must leave for a moment," He said, in his usual disgusting voice. "I will be back; NO TALKING!" He was looking at us Gryffindors when he said this; not the Slytherins. Damn him. 

Everyone watched in unison as he walked out the room, closing the gate with a clang behind him. 

The dude in front of me turned around. He had curiously pale blonde hair, that was gel-ed back, but not spiked. Narrowed eyes were a strange grey-blue and a thin mouth was turned in a smirk. He was wearing the Slytherin uniform. 

"Whoa!" I blurted. "Draco Malfoy?" 

"How do you know my name?" He asked with a sneer. 

Ann, ever so helpful, managed to blurt out an undesirable answer. "She's your stalker." 

"WHAT?" He burst out, eyes widening at the implication. I noticed that he had started to edge away. 

"NO!" I assured him, laughing and sending a dirty look in Ann's direction. "She's kidding...just joshing with you." OMG. This is Draco Malfoy! ... Man, he's not that bad looking... Hmm... 

He didn't look convinced. "I'm sure. It's a pity that you were placed in Gryffindor." 

"You're telling me," Ann muttered. Leah and I looked at her. She blinked innocently, and returned to her potion. 

"How so?" Leah asked, eyes glinting evily. Eep. I had better head this one off before it gets to hurting Draco. Poor Draco. My poor, poor Draco...ever getting bashed by all the bad peoples out in the world... 

Um...never mind... 

Draco sniffed hautily. "It's a pity because everyone who's anyone..." He raised chin. "...Is in Slytherin..." 

Leah's hand was twitching again, and I was faintly alarmed. "Oh stuff it, Draco. Lord V. was in Slytherin and he still got his ass kicked by Harry, over there." I jerked a thumb over my shoulder at the 'Boy who Lived." 

Draco's eyes flashed. "Do not be pert with me, _Canadian._" 

Leah, Ann and I snorted. He thinks that calling us Canadians will make me mad? Feh. We _are_ Canadians, and we _still_ make fun of our selves. "So?" I retorted. "You got a problem with that...eh?" Heh...a comment so innocently Canadian, that it can't help but be slightly annoying. Hee-hee. 

I swear, if it weren't for the fact that Snape had just walked back in, Draco would have started sputtering and scrambling for another insult. As it would happen, Snape glared our (us Canadians) way. I don't know why. Lol. 

Sufficed to say...potions was really really boring. I don't even want to recapp it all through the wonder that is a story. Eep. 

~*~*~*~ 

"Bibbity-bobbity-boo!" Leah waved her hands at a pumpkin that was sitting on her desk. I half-expected it to turn into a carriage, but it didn't. Oh well. Leah stuck her tounge out at offending vegetable, and then turned away. "Stupid pumpkin..." 

You see, it was Transfiguration class, and we were to turn pumpkins into cushions. Leah was slowly turning it into a squishy pumpkin, but mine had only flattened out. 

Of course, Ann was already done, preening over her fluffy pillow. Grr. How did she do it so fast? 

"Hmmp." Apparently Hermione was thinking the same thing. She had finished a moment after Ann, but the thing was...she finished _after_ Ann. Heh....that's right...beware of the Canadians. Hee. 

"Hocus Pocus." I tried, ficking my fingers at my flattened food item. Nothing. "Hibberty-Gibberty!" Still no change. 

"Hey." I turned around. Ann was pointing up at the chalkboard. "The spell's up there." 

I looked. Heh. So it was. Hmm. "Thanks." I read the words off the board. "Cucurbita ad cervical," I said. Hmm. Sounds latin. With a puff of orange smoke, a plushy pillow appeared. Nice. 

The bell rang with a clanging echo. Everyone gathered their stuff and flowed out the door. I could see Draco and his little 'gang' pushing their way out first. Imagine that....what a surprise. HA. 

Ann looked at our time schedule. "I have the dark arts next." 

Leah quirked an eyebrow. "You mean..._defence against _the dark arts, right?" 

Ann nodded slowly. "Um...yeah..." 

Ho...that's a bit strange... I should probably investigate this further, but I needed to get to Defence. Against the dark arts, that is. 

"Hullo." The three of us turned around. There was the 3 Musketeers. Not the real ones, of course, but rather Harry, Ron and Hermione. I think that it's too long to say, so that's what I'll call them for now on. Meh. Deal with it. 

"'sup?" I asked. 

,"Um..." Hermione blinked. "Nothing...much..." 

{Well, to make a boring story interesting, let's go forward to where we are walking into the Defence classroom....} 

Well, we were walking into the Defence classroom, laughing about a joke that one of us had just told. What was it? I dunno, but it was funny. Heh. 

"WHAT in heaven's name--?" He all looked over at Leah. She was staring, wide-eyed into the room. In unison, we all followed her line of sight. 

"Jimminy Crickets." Heaven's name was right. There was a man, who seemed to be our age or just a little older, sitting on the desk, dressed in Muggle clothing. Oh. And he sported a beautiful pair of pure white wings. Yep. You heard me. Wings. His hair was short, wavy and cut in the style that most guys prefered. It wasn't gel-ed, though, and it hung loosly in blue-green eyes. His shirt was most likely to have been created out of silk, because it shimmered and bent on his every curve. Or should I say muscle? He was _buff_! "Ouch." I said, trying, along with all the other girls that were arriving, not to drool all over our books. Man is he a looker. 

Looker, I said. Not hooker. 

He waited until everyone was seated at the long tables in front of him. Gods, his eyes were like cats slits. They were so cool!! I love this guy! ... Well, not _love_ love, but...you know what I mean. 

"He is so hot." Leah said quietly. Ann and I nodded. 

"Good afternoon, class." He said in a quiet voice. I swear, I could hear several sighs after that. "I am your new Defence against the dark arts teacher, Kale Nightshade." 

Sweet name. 

"For the next few weeks, I will be instrucing you in defencive spells, counterattacks, and general cancelling incantions." He hopped off the desk, seemingly floating. Bright wings rustled, and opened slightly. 

Dude! I want wings!!! 

He lead us through the lesson, and for once, there was rapt attention. I could tell that the guys didn't reall care for Kale (yes, I will call him by his first name) but I overheard Seamus musing on how he managed to get a shirt on. Good question, really, if you think about it. 

Meh. He's hot. That's all that I care about. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Ahhanother glorious chapter completed. Are you starting to understand the mind that is mine? No? Good. 

Leah: Wouldn't it be great if we really _did_ go to Hogwarts, and I really _did_ get a bat? 

Ann: Shh! We _did_ go! _Remember_? 

Leah: {Blinks} 

Me: {Elbows her in the side} 

Leah: OH! I get it! Yeahwe did, didn't we? 

Ann: Yeah 

Me: Totally {Looks around} 

Ann: _;;;; NEVER MIND! 

Lolsee ya in the next chapter!! 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 


	3. Around Dark Corners

Chapter Three: Around dark corners

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Disclaimer: I don't even remotely own Harry Potter, but Me, Leah and Ann are real. Believe me. So you can't steal them. Unless you're Draco, in which he _can_ steal me. J Lol. 

Yay for Quidditch!!

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Ah…how I love Sunday mornings. Everyone is either sleeping in or lazing about the commons rooms. I was sitting alone in the Dining hall, poking at a late breakfast. Ann was hanging around with Fred and George in the Tower, and Leah was floating around somewhere, probably bopping people on the head with her bat. From what I could tell, there was only a small group of Ravenclaws, a few Hufflepuffs, and me in the hall. 

Whupps. And there was Draco Malfoy, who had just walked in. Maybe it's just because I already had an obsession with him while reading the books, but…_he's so frickin' HOT!_

Waiting until he was halfway down the Slytherin table, at his usual spot (quite close to my spot) I nodded and smiled, grabbing his attention. "Hello Draco." I said pleasantly, deliberately rolling my r's. From the smallest of frowns appearing on his face, I could see that it annoyed him half to death. 

"Must you call me that, Gillespie?"

"It's your first name, and a rightfully cool one. I fully intend to use it." I wasn't lying. His name _is_ cool. It's too bad that he's an evil sonovab-

"Then permit me to use yours as well. _Alex_." Gods, is he sexy. That evil sort of drawl of his is so…thrilling. I think that he knows that too. And that tight long sleeved shirt, he's wearing? Ouch. He's got such a _fine_ figure. Blast him; he probably knows that too.  

"Glad to see that we're on the same page." I went back to my brunch. Yummy, there's cinnamon sugar on my toast. Hmm. I didn't notice that before. …Um…back to the moment…sorry…

"I hear that you're on the Quidditch team for Gryffindor." I looked up again. He had sat down across from me…at the Gryffindor table. How strange. "As a keeper." 

"You betcha."

Draco gave me the oddest faint smirk. "You had better practice, Alex. Our chasers won't care who's in goal; they play to win."

"Is that a helpful piece of advice?" I asked teasingly. "From one player to another?"

He started eating a slice of French toast that had magically appeared on the plate in front of him. "It's a warning. From a Slytherin to a Gryffindor."

Whoa. This dude is as dangerous as he's made out to be. Yikes. "Thank you, then, and let me give you a warning of my own."

He raised one slender eyebrow. "And what would that be?" 

I took a long swallow from my orange juice glass. "Watch out for Leah. She's the new beater on the team." Standing, I tossed my napkin onto my plate. "See you around, Draco."

"Yes." I heard him murmur as I walked away. "Indeed."

~*~*~*~

So classes that day was immensely boring, my only highlight being Seamus trying to turn milk into brandy at lunch. I swear, if that kid ever figures out the right spell, drunks all over the world will be showing up at his doorstep. Lol. 

Leah had left lunch early in order to get a good seat in Defence. I don't blame her, but I have my eyes set on a different British dude. Besides, Kale is a teacher. Eww? I don't care if he _does_ have wings, or amazing abs. 

Dammit, how can a teacher be so hot?

"I can't imagine why you wanted to meet here of all places…"

I paused in my trek down one of the many hallways of Hogwarts. Even though I am not prone to eavesdropping, the voice that I heard next shocked me to the very core.

"I thought that I'd keep this private, that's all."

OMG. It was Ann. Who is she talking to? I faded into the background of the hall, ducking behind a large statue of a dragon. 

"This is a pathetic place to meet –"

"I don't know my way fully around the school yet, Draco, so shut up and bear it."

Draco? Secret meetings in the school with Draco? … Why hadn't I thought of that?

"As you say, Ann. What do you want me to do?"

"Have you found out the secret of Morgan's Staff, yet?"

"No, not yet, but – "

"You don't want me as your enemy, Draco. Figure it out. Figure it out soon."

"All right."

"We'll talk again, Draco, and you had better have made some progress by then."

"Yes, ma'am."

I pressed against the wall, watching as Ann swept by me. There was something different about her. Something…sinister. Sinister. Gods, listen to me. I sound like a bad horror movie. That conversation I just heard was something though… Morgan's Staff? What was she up to? I need to find some information. And where else to find info, but from the local library…and Hermione Granger…

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Recognize the conversation? It's an echo of Snape's and Quirrel's in the 1st book. Very appropriate, isn't it? 

Ann: You made me evil.

Me: Um…yeah…

Ann: Cool. 

Me: Er…yeah…

Okay, yes, I will admit it. I have a Draco Malfoy fetish. But…HAVE YOU SEEN TOM FELTON?!?!? HE IS SO HOT!! _AND_ HE'S OLDER THAN I AM!!! Besides, who doesn't want a hot bad boy like Draco Malfoy? I do!

Leah/Ann: A-hem.

Me: Er…I have to go write the next chapter, now… *runs*

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	4. Sticks and stones may break my bones, bu...

Chapter Four: If Sticks and Stones can break my bones, what do you think a Quaffle will do?

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Disclaimer: I think that we know what I'm going to stick here.

Yes, I know that I haven' t written a chapter in a while, but I have a lot of projects on the go right now. Deal. But read the chap and enjoy!

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"And Keeper Gillespie blocks the shot! No points for Slytherin!"

Well...here I am, at my first Quidditch game. It's been a week, and I think I'm finally getting the hang of school and this sport.  I love flying, it's so much fun!! I was a little dizzy at first, but it seems to be only an adrenaline rush.

Heh-heh… Adrenaline rush...

Sorry, I seem to be a little ditzy right now, but that's probably because I'm so high in the air, and I'm zipping back and forth… Plus, a certain Slytherin is zooming around the field aimlessly, and it's a little more than distracting. Who would have thought that a Quidditch uniform could make him so much hotter than he already is? *sigh*

Anyway, we're down fifty to thirty. Somewhere I can hear Oliver Wood screaming. Oh well...I'm trying my best. 

You know, I really don't like that one Slytherin chaser. I think that he has a personal vendetta with all of the Gryffindors or something. Eep. If it weren't for the fact that he had a constant nasty smile on his face, I would have been inclined to call him attractive. 

Yes, I _do_ examine all the potential guys that I meet. After all, I'm not tied down, am I? Any-way...

"Heads up!" 

I pulled a barrel roll in mid-air, spinning as a large red bludger swooped past my shoulder. As I came back the right way up, (oh, great English there... ) Leah zipped past, a large grin on her face. 

"Sorryareyoualrightwellthatscooligottagofollowthattalktoyoulaterbye!"

What can I say? She was flying by, and I don't exactly have the chance to stop and have a conversation in the middle of the pitch. In return all I did was shout a probably incoherent, "Becarefulandstophittingtheotherplayerswithyourbatbecauseyouregettingustoomanyfoulsbye!"

I think that we both understood each other quite well. It's a talent. Or something...

Yeah, so...I would describe the rest of the game to you, but it's quite long, and I only saw half of it...you know, because I am the keeper...I only see the main part of the game. I don't really notice what the beaters and seekers are doing. (And it's not my fault that he's so _hot_!) So, to save you the boredom, and confusion, I will skip right ahead to the terrible, terrible ending. Let's go into a sort of flashback. 

_"And both seekers have spotted the snitch! Draco Malfoy has gone into the dive first, but Harry Potter is close on his heels. Come on Harry, you can kick his a-"_

_"Lee Jordan!" _

_"Sorry Professor McGonagall. Go Harry, go!" _

Being as brand-smaking-new at this as I was, I couldn't help but stop and gawk at the two seekers. Of course, in this process, I also forgot that the chasers on the opposing team were mean and brutal, and they really didn't care if the seekers were going for the snitch. 

**_WHAM _**

_I was falling from the sky, half holding a quaffle. I colided against one of the tall golden rings, and a sharp pain flew through my side. I gasped and vaguely realized that I was falling from a very high height... Where the heck was my broom? No matter ...I'm going to hit the ground very soon, and it won't really matter then. Oh my._

Then the improbable happened. My guardian angel came down from the heavens and saved me from becoming a splash of red on the green grass of the pitch. 

Yeah right. I don't believe in Guardian Angels, but this incident came close to making me believe. Here's what really happened. 

"Somebody help her!" I vaguely heard someone cry. It may have been Ann or Leah, but I was really too occupied at the moment to double check. 

_A cloud of red and gold was forming around me, made solid by the fact that it was made of two people. I saw the faces of Harry and Ron. Of course. They would have the fastest brooms on the team, having the latest model, the Blue Valkrie 6000. They were slowing me down, pulling at me so that I was seated behind Ron. _

_Gods...that was so bloody scary. Eep. _

Yeah. So that's what happened. What? Did you expect Draco to come to my rescue in a heroic dive, and sweep me away? Feh. I wish. 

So now here I am leaving the hospital wing, nursing two broken ribs and some colorful bruises. Actually, I'm rather proud of those. Mme Pomfery wrapped my stomach and told me to come back in a week or so. 

"We won the game, though." Ron said with a thoughtful look on his face. "Harry caught the snitch as you were hit, and we both managed to swing around and come after you."

Wow. These dudes never cease to amaze me. No wonder people call them part of the dream team. Well, the whole team also includes Hermione, but as you can see, she's not here right now. 

"Thanks." I said again. I'm like that sometimes. It really catches me off guard when people so nice things for me, like, oh, save my life and whatnot. 

Yeah, so I got off easy in my first game. I guess it was a sign of all Quidditch players. If they manage to get hurt in their first game, then they must be a little crazy or something. ;) It happened with Wood, and Harry. Meh. I'm doing that thing where I think too much again. 

"Well, I got to go to the library. I'll see you in a bit." Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Leah chasing after Draco, waving her bat wildly. Seems that she has a bit of the after-game adrenaline. Poor Draco.

Ron shot a look at me. "You've been in there quite a lot lately. Be careful or you'll turn into Hermione."

"God forbid." Harry said with a grin. 

"No kidding." I said, waving as I walked away. I really don't think that anyone could be as bad as Hermione.

~*~*~*~

"Morgan's staff." Hermione announced, drawing my attention to a passage in a rather dusty old book. "It is said to be made of pure silver, riddled with black opals around the top. Morgan Le Fey was supposedly the half-sister of the infamous King Arthur, and forever rival of Merlin, himself. She created the staff as a replacement of a wand. It is supposed to contain all of her magical power."

                "That's pretty cool." I responded automatically. "What does it do?"

                "Do?" Hermione raised an eyebrow at me. "It's a replacement of a wand…"

                "No – I mean, what are the nifty features?" I waved my hands in the air. "Does it do something _special_?"

"Oh…" Hermione glanced at the book in her hand once more. "Well…it doesn't say much, but…"

"But what?" I asked, shifting from my place at a library table. I winced and quickly shifted back; damn ribs. 

"But it mentions something vague about 'giving and taking the form of creatures.'" She looked up at me. "Why the sudden interest in this very old, but fascinating, powerful artefact?"

I shrugged. I wasn't too sure why, myself, so I wasn't about to feed her a half-ass lie. "Dunno. Hear the term floating around, and it caught my curiosity, that's all. Does it say if the staff still exists?"

"It's rumoured to be still around, though no one knows where. After Morgan's death, it simply vanished away."

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Yep. Not really an interesting chapp, but I wanted to do a little Quidditch, and this was convenient. LoL.

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	5. Defence, but against what?

 Chapter Five: Defence, but Against What?

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Disclaimer: I own nothing, but if I did, then guess whom I would have for a BF? LoL. Ann, Leah and I are real, so you can't steal us. Too bad. 

Oh, and I would like to dedicate this chap to Chibi Planeteria, an authoress on FF.net. If you like anime, and if you like romance, I suggest that you go and read what she has to offer. She's my buddie, and if you don't go look, I will hold you down in the dirt and she will hit you repeatedly with a giant foam hammer. 

Lol. JJ. Read on!

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Everything is so very warm in the morning, you know? As long as you stay in bed, you feel that you are safe and comfy and that there's nothing wrong… 

"OMG, he's so HOT! It should be illegal!!"

Ah. That's just great. Boy obsessing in the middle of my happy sleep time. Ugh.

"I know…why does he have to be a teacher??"

There we go. Leah must be up… "Leah?" I muttered, rolling over and promptly getting tangled in the curtains. Blasted things… "Leeeaaaah…"

"FINALLY!" My boppity friend bounced into view, opening the curtains I was trying to crawl out of. "We were just about to leave for breakfast!"

"Leah."

"What?"

"You're obsessed."

"With what?"

"With Kale."

"But he's got _wings!_"

"He's a teacher."

"So?"

"So?? How old do you think he is?"

"Well…"

"Molester! Molester!"

Leah tossed me a mock glare. "Shut up!"

"Be careful, Leah!" Ann said dramatically, as I bumped into my dresser and knocked my specs to the floor. "He's gonna take you to his nest and—"

"Don't even finish that!" Leah cried. She paused. "Well…actually…" She shook her head as we all laughed. "No…never mind!"

I chortled, rummaging in my closet-wardrobe whatsit. We now had something to tease Leah about in Defence this morning… 

~*~*~*~

"Today," Kale said, wings fluttering gently in the empty classroom, "We'll be looking at a creature that is of a great danger to both muggle and wizard children." The room had been cleared; the tables and chairs pushed to one side. Only a single, covered, crate sat in the middle of the floor. Everyone stood anxiously around it. "Considering you are all fifth years, I think that there should be no worry as to being captured by them."

Okay. Welcome to DATDA, again. I think that I've gotten over my little gawking problem, but Leah seems to be hit harder than ever. Poor girl. It's halfway through October, now and she still has a thing for him. But then, so do the rest of the girls around here. Maybe Ann and I are the only ones immune, or something…. Hmm… 

"What is it, Professor?" Lavender asked curiously. 

Kale smiled. "I'll give you a description, and we'll see if anyone can guess. They are elfish creatures, originating from the Black Forest, in Germany. They are larger than gnomes, with pointed faces, and their cackles are entrancing to children."

Hermione had her hand in the air before he was even finished his sentence. "Professor, are they erklings?"

"Why, that's correct, Hermione." He took hold of the sheet. "Ten points to Gryffindor."

Hermione blushed.

The sheet was torn away from the cage, revealing wicked-looking creatures, slanted eyes blinking at them. There were three, two males and a female; they wound long, narrow hands around the bars of the cage, rattling the metal at them. The male with the vivid violet eyes gave a high-pitched laugh, while the female beckoned to the students.

"Why are they so dangerous?" Leah asked, peering at them closely. "I think they're kind of cute…"

I shared a glance with Ann and Lavender. The three of us grinned. That wasn't all that Leah though was cute. 

Kale ignored our snickering. "When they capture a child…they eat them."

Leah gave a yelp and pulled away quickly. Both Gryffindor and Slytherin alike laughed. The male with the electric blue eyes sneered at her. Kale threw the blanket back over the cage indicating the floor. "Will everyone take a seat? I'm afraid that bringing the desks back in here would take up too much of the class time; I apologise for that." Everyone shuffled to the ground, pulling out quills, ink and parchment. "Quickly, let us list possible reasons that the cackle of the Erklings are captivating to children—" The female Erkling screeched, as if on cue. "—And not to those who are older."

I fumbled with the cap of my inkbottle, swearing lowly as drops of multicoloured liquid dripped on my arm. "Dammit."

"I need to talk to you." A voice murmured in my ear. I was about to turn around, but cool fingers paused on my neck. 

"What about?" I muttered back, picking up my quill nonchalantly. Who was it sitting behind me? The voice was familiar, but for some strange reason, I couldn't place it. Discreetly, I glanced at those in front of me. Who was missing?

"Meet me near the entrance to the dungeons at lunch." The voice whispered back. 

Dungeons. "Draco?"

"Come alone. Make sure you aren't followed." The light touch on my neck left, and I set to work pretending to scribble on my parchment. 

The bell rang, not five minutes later. Kale took in our guesses, and informed us that we would be looking at the history of Erkings next class. As I left, I noticed that Ann was giving me a strange look, though I wasn't sure if it was there. When I blinked, it was gone. 

~*~*~*~

I moved at a casual pace, leaving the Great Hall after snagging a grilled-cheese sandwich. There was soup, too, but that's a little hard to eat on the go. I had made some sort of excuse about the library, and the group had shrugged it off. Meh. Suits me fine. 

I moved across the entry hall quickly and through one of the darkened corridors. I had been at the school for, what, almost two months now, and I have a pretty fair idea of where everything is. Well, as much as one can, with Hogwarts… I still haven't found anything new about Morgan's Staff, though… It's sad, really. And Ann hasn't said a thing about it. I wasn't about to ask her either. If she was keeping it all secretive with Draco, then that was her business. Goodness knows that in the next few moments, I was going to be doing the same thing…

"Draco?" I called into the hall. There was nothing but an eerie silence. Was this just a prank? "Hellooo?"

"Are you alone?" The light tenor drifted to me, and I looked around. Where the hell was he?

"_Yes…_where are you?" 

I vaguely saw a slender hand appear out of the shadow. "Over here."

I walked over to him, stepping under the cover of the stairs' shadow. "Okay, then. What's this all about, then?"

"You'll have to swear that you won't tell anyone…"

"Anyone what?" I asked irritably. 

Draco hesitated, drawing me further into the shadows. "Something's going to happen soon."

"That is so vague that it isn't even worth mentioning."

The blond glanced about the hall before explaining. Digging into the pocket of his robe, he extracted a thin vial. "This is an antidote." He pressed it into the palm of my hand. "Tell no one that you have it. I mean _no one_." 

I held it up, peering at the clear liquid inside. "What is it an antidote for?" Draco smoothed his hair and I realized that he was nervous. The kid must be serious… "Draco?

"Around Halloween, a strange flu will go around the school. It will start with a fever, then mild delusions, then it will seem to get better before plunging into a stomach flu."

"Is it fatal?" I said, alarmed.

"No, but after it goes away, it starts to drain the person of their magic reserves." Draco stared at me for a moment. "Depending on the person, this draining may be temporary, or it may be permanent…"

"Gods above, Draco." I said. Then I was suddenly suspicious. "Why are you telling me this?"

He shrugged into his school robe. "This illness isn't contagious. It's only picked up if taken in a drink. Specifically pumpkin juice."

"I don't drink pumpkin juice."

"I know." Draco stopped, blushing. "I mean, your friends do, and I know that many of them are going to be victims of this."

"How, exactly?"

"I can't say, really…" He scanned the hall again. "Look, I've already said too much. If you give the antidote to someone showing the symptoms before they have the stomach flu, then you will be able to disable the draining after effect. Use only a drop; no more no less."

I nodded, tucking the potion into a pocket. "Why help me?" I inquired. "I though that you hated the Gryffindors. Especially the 'Golden child.'"

Draco smiled, amused. "Golden child? How appropriate." His eyes drifted for a moment. "Pretty necklace."

I glanced down, touching the dark opal on a silver chain. "Thank you." I looked back to him, but he was gone. "What-- Draco?" My voice echoed in the empty hall. Dammit. He didn't answer my question. 

"Get away from me, already!"

The Slytherin reappeared, running past me as a blond and black blur, with Leah hot on his tail. 

"Come back here, you!" She swung her bat menencingly.

"Geeya!"

I shook my head, going after my violent friend. I don't know what her vendetta with him was, but it allowed her to pop up and bop him with her bat. "Leah!"

"Busy!"

Oy.

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                Holy randomness, Batman! There seems to be an actual plot! With actual seriousness! WOW!

                Lol. I needed this fic to go somewhere. Morgan's staff seemed a good direction to head, considering I put it there for that reason. Meh. 

                Dra-co, Dra-co, Dra-co! Lalalalalala!

                Ann/Leah: Oh vey.

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